My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Someone signed my nipple.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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