she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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