The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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