Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
