Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am naked and annoyed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
