Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
