??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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