We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
