My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This is classic penis vs brain.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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