i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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