Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
