You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
