You're earring is so big in my mouth
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize