I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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