she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
