is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
