I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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