when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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