If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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