so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
