You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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