doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
