i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
