Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
