Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
