Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize