i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
