I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You pole danced in your parka.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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