Your tits are I can't wait for
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
