My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
