At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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