She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
