Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
