roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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