Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
