Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
