Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i've created a new STD.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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