You're completely useless in the revolution.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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