Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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