New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
