This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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