every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
