I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
