We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
tell me about the eggs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
