you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
