Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We got so high we made milksteak
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
