My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
