I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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