He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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