I can text with my tongue
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
