Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
