If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
