I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
