I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
