Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
