she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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