i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
