Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize