So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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