we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
