apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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