Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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