you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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