I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
