I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize