Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
