when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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